San Diego - Marriage - Couple - Premarital- Therapy

        Going through a breakup can be extremely difficult.  We often find ourselves on this horrible rollercoaster of emotions; feelings of anger, depression, hopelessness, fearfulness, anxiousness, and/or a sense of being overwhelmed.  While in a relationship, people will plan for a future with their partner, along with the feelings of connectedness love, and belonging.  However, once the relationship is over, these feelings often swing the other way and you now have to face an aspect of the relationship that you never planned for or expected.   No matter the length of the relationship or the type of relationship, breakups can almost always be emotionally painful and be an adjustment. 

Here are a few tips that can help you get off the Emotional Rollercoaster:

1. Let out some air:  Imagine for a second you have a balloon in your body.  Now, imagine stuffing emotions down into this balloon every time you get sad, angry, and/or frustrated.  Just as helium balloons pop when they get full, so do the emotional balloons within us.  Feelings experienced during a breakup can burst this balloon, leading to physical side effects head aches, depression, anger bursts, stomach aches, etc.  Some easy methods to release the internal pressure before it pops are talking about your frustrations.
2. Journal: Emotion can force our mind to go over the same thoughts, forming in a continuous thought loop.  Cyclical thinking doesn’t get you anywhere and is counter-productive in eliminating the “Emotional Rollercoaster.”  For example, you might notice lying in bed and repeatedly thinking of the breakup. Continuing these mental cycles only increases the pain, fostering more negative thinking.  Another way to confront these feelings, without entering the cycle is to journal.  By writing your thoughts down, your brain gets time to relax because it knows you just wrote it down.  It solidifies your thoughts and can help you gain clarity.
3. Spend time with Friends and Family: Time by yourself can be the biggest hurdle to getting off the emotional roller coaster.  Rather than mope, spend time with a friend or family member for support, to get help with being distracted, hear another perspective and influence, and find some time in laughter. 
4. Keep track of your thoughts: We often ask ourselves questions which we cannot immediately answer in the wake of a breakup.  These questions include: “Why did this happen? What could I have done? What will happen now? How come…?” Getting trapped in these questions often leads to a state of no longer being present in the moment; you leave the real world and go to this world of thoughts and questions.  You can get so caught up in the thoughts that all other aspects of your personal life get left behind.  The thoughts can ignite the emotional rollercoaster and will only keep you hurting and seeing the negative about the situation. Tell yourself to stop, get your thoughts on the task at hand. 
5. Take off the “Radar”: Recovering from a breakup can cause you to be hyper-aware of your surroundings, especially aware of other couples and how they seem to be “so happy”.  Try to refocus your attention on the more helpful parts of the environment.  Notice the colors, the fresh air, and the beautiful San Diego environment.  Avoid the thoughts of what you “don’t have” and shift your thoughts to what you “do have.”
6. Have some fun: I think the title explains it self.  Do activities that you enjoy, that give you pleasure, and that help you feel good about yourself.  In this time of emotional pain, a little smile will go a long way.

If you are going through a breakup and can’t seem to get out of the dumps, I want to help you recover from your loss through counseling.  Take a few moments to go through this check list. 

Go through the check list and see if any of the following fit for you:

_____ I can’t seem to feel happy and most often feel down.

_____ I either get too much sleep, or hardly get any sleep.

_____ I have a hard time falling asleep.

_____ I am crying so often.

_____ I have lost my appetite.

_____ I can’t seem to concentrate any more.

_____ I tend to avoid calling my friends and going out.

_____ I feel tired all the time.

If you notice you have a lot of these items checked off, you could be suffering from depression.  Let’s get you out of this misery and back into your regular routine.  Give me a call if you want to start individual therapy and make a change for the positive.  It is time to recover from the past and get on with your life in the present.